Yell out of love

The morning I was sitting on my front porch, drinking coffee and trying to do some work. Meanwhile the twins were running around the yard watching the construction workers paint new lines on the street and the big truck spewing water on the street, cleaning, in their underwear. The boy wearing a pink backpack, my little "rez runner" and then Lilah cuddling with a book and a blanket on the chair next to me.What a scene it was.

Some parents would have felt a little overwhelmed with so much going on which is understandable for obvious reasons. How are you handling your children running around like crazy having to stop what you are doing, losing thoughts, losing track of what YOU were doing because all these little curtain climbers won't leave you the fuck alone. HOW ARE YOU HANDLING THIS?

I know I wasn't at one time.

At one time I was a big yeller trying to get their attention. I still yell sometimes now but it's more of a raised voice and it comes from a different place from within me. I raise my voice out of love instead of anger. I know I know that sounds...what...dumb? Yea I could see it. But it's true. I need my kids to listen and do what they are told. They can't be playing with the front gate trying to figure out the lock so they can plan their escape from the yard. They can't be playing in the dog shit or allowing the water hose to run consistently without anyone noticing. Which actually happened by the way and my basement flooded since the left on hose was right next to the foundation. FUCK. Yea that was a great day lemme tell ya. Anyways....They need to say please and thank you and show empathy for others. They need a lot of things and that's what us parents are here for. To teach these guys how to be positive contributions to society. SO yes. I do raise my voice to get their attention but it comes from love and not anger in the moment.

It's hard though sometimes. Growing up, yelling was just what my family did. Everyone yelled but a lot of times it came out of anger and in the moment. No one stopped to think about how to react before they reacted. My parents did an awesome job raising me but I think they could have done less yelling but whatevs. That's the past. For right now I'm trying to pass on new habits to my children that they will respond better too. And they are responding to this in a positive way. When I get down on eye level for them, when I talk to them or correct them it's less intimidating but I'm still doing my job as a parent in correcting the behavior.

Kids are still assholes though. I think there's just a lot of different ways to handle different situations that are more solution oriented versus just staying on the subject of "what happened" and wallering in those emotions. Wallering is fine sometimes, I'm not saying it's not at all but I do feel there are more appropriate times and it's all very situational in my opinion. So...yelling.

I'm trying my best not to do it. I'm trying my best to follow through when I tell one of the five children to do something and they just stare at me like they have no idea what I said when they KNOW EXACTLY what I said. I've proven this theory by even probing them with questions afterwards and when prompted they will tell me exactly what I said most of the time. Yea you little shits....you heard me. Most of you little curtain climbers hear your parents and just don't want to respond. We know how it is, most of us are catching up and adjusting our teaching methods in order to accommodate this rapidly spreading movement of "I don't give a fuck what you say I'mma do what I want" attitude.

No thanks. So changing up the parenting methods I use is constant in order to accommodate the child and what I do may not work for you and vice versa. I like to take advice and then tweak it to fit my children.

React out of love for your children and not anger. We are all going to react out of anger do at some point though. I think what happens after that is up to you but a good place to start would be to recognize the behavior and tweak it. Call yourself out and when shit settles down a bit think about what you can do different next time that your child might respond better too. We all just want to be able to go to a public place with our children, have a little fun doing whatever it is we need or want to do, and not walk away from that outing in a negative mood because the kids acted like houligans and you lost your shit in the middle of said place. Right? I don't want that for you either. This also can be applied to absolutely any situation in your life obviously.

So stop and take a breath when a situation occurs that is less than optimal and think about how you should react before you decide said action should be carried out. I promise you will save yourself a lot of heartache in the future and said children might just start listening a little more and doing what they are told because they realize when they do that they get what they want too like yummy snacks, cool crafts, and parents that WANT to laugh and play and giggle and GO PLACES with them. Consistency is key though. The key that keeps the love locked in my friends.

In a nutshell:

1) Understand you are not alone and that no one is able to handle their kids all the time and at peak performance or without yelling.

2) Think before you yell...every time.

3) Yell out of love and not anger. Yelling doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Remember that and remember to TAKE A BREATH WHEN YOU NEED ONE.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Live Love