Selfish self-love and just being selfish

Lately I've felt as though a lot of people focus too much on what they are being at that particular moment. I know I know. I'm the biggest supporter of "don't just live in your moment BE your moment" in fact it's my mantra. However, that can be misconstrued in so many ways.

I had a woman tell me once that she was a mother and that defined her. I couldn't disagree more. We, as people, can be so many things all at once.

I define myself as a woman, a mother, a realist, a creator, teacher, mentor and student. I am naturalist, a homebody, a socialist and a caregiver. I am a sister, wife, cousin, lover, friend, and trusted coach. I'm also a bitch, and a true "disliker" of negativity and conformism. I am an artist, a couch lounger, a baker and cook. I'm a comfort and a shoulder to cry on, an active listener and love enthusiast. I'm a hard worker, a moral conscious, a lover of all things and a big disliker for others. I'm an open book and a closed book, an information sharer and knowledge hound. I am just me but I am also every single one of you out there reading this. I am me, but I am also you. We are all one.

But JUST a mother I am not and neither are YOU. Being a mother defines none of us and yet is a huge part of a lot of us. It never needs to define us though. We are all so much more than the person who takes care of everyone else. You have to be more than just a mother or a woman because each and every one of us has something to teach and always something new to learn.

I know how it sounds when I tell clients "you have to focus on yourself, put yourself first sometimes, do things that are JUST FOR YOU." It sounds selfish. But in order to be the full giver I know you are you have to be selfish at times. This isn't to say that everything is ONLY about you or your wants and needs. You shouldn't take off every time your spouse is home and leave them with the kids while you go gallivanting about alone or with your friends. You shouldn't leave others out because you think this is only "your journey". It is a journey YOU may have started for yourself but everyone in your life is involved in some way. You shouldn't assume that whenever you have a free moment that it should only be about you and what you want, your needs or desires. You shouldn't forget that on this journey of yours that others are involved and their wants, need, desires, opinions and views also matter...which sometimes happens.

I've come across quite a few women lately that are on their personal self-discovery/self-love journey but are leaving everyone else out along the way, mainly their spouses and children. They are solely focusing on themselves without considering how this journey is effecting the people who mean most to them in their life. Eventually, those people are going to "opt-out" of helping you on this journey of yours and exiting your life either emotionally, physically or both which is far from what you want. Entering the self-love journey is supposed to bring you closer with yourself but also to the people you need and want in your life. It also helps you leave behind the people who aren't needed in your life.

The self-love journey is about achieving and gaining everything you want but not leaving out the support system that helps you get there. It takes more than just yourself to achieve all your end results.

The women that choose to disregard the support system in their life may achieve that job they wanted, the material objects they desired, or the less-stressed and more relaxed days; they may achieve the freedom of individuality and the confidence to love themselves fully....but what is all of that if you don't have your support system, your family, or your friends along for the ride and there when you reach your end goals?

We all need to be confident in that we do only need ourselves to be happy however having these other people in your life when you reach your goals makes it all the more better don't you think?

So be selfish in the right ways. Stand up for yourself, be yourself in all it's glory, be authentic and loyal and trustworthy. Be selfish in not allowing others to depict what's right for you and how you should live your life. Be selfish by not allowing others judgments and harsh opinions to sway how you feel about yourself. But don't be selfish by walking this journey alone and casting out the others which inevitably could mean you lose those closest to you because you refuse to allow them to walk your journey with you.

Choose wisely because all the things you have ever wanted in your life is possible but without those closest to you it could mean nothing in the end. Don't walk your journey alone. Find out who you are together with the people you love. Figure out more about who "mom" is because there's so many other sides to that person, most you have yet to discover.

So what's a good way to consciously know if you are being selfish in a positive way that's going to enhance your entire life and being or if you are being selfish in a way that's going to negatively impact your life? Ask yourself. Have a conversation with yourself about who your journey is going to impact and how. Are you just going to be effected or could your new decisions and outlook on life effect others? If you feel your self-love journey is going to negatively effect some people in your life focus a little more on what that negativity will look like and HOW it is going to effect them. For instance if you ask yourself "how is it going to effect my spouse if I am continuously leaving when he gets home from work to go do things by myself?" Well that might make your spouse mad and resentful instead of being a supporter of your journey because he is being left out of some important parts. How would you fix that? By including your spouse in your life journey and making sure they know that just because you are self-loving more in order to better your life that doesn't mean it needs to always be alone. Though it is healthy to do some things alone or with your friends separate from your spouse you can't leave them out of your journey entirely.

I believe that we need to be a certain type of selfish in order to become our true authentic selves but we have to include the people we love most in order to fully embrace what self-love is all about.

Live pure love and you will never again be or feel alone.

#selflove #livinglovecoaching #livinthedream